3 Reasons Why Your Meditation Practice Isn’t Working For You

I’ll be the first to tell you that my meditations are nowhere near as consistent as I’d like them to be. Over these past few months, life has been flying by like a bullet train and to be honest — I’ve skipped out on my own daily practice a number of times.

It definitely doesn’t feel amazing to declare this, but I know that I’m part of the majority when it comes to habit formation. We try our best but even the most disciplined of us get caught up in the messiness of life. Meditation works best when you’re committed— trust me. As a yoga practitioner, yoga philosophy student, and yoga teacher I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get deeper into my meditations. And I am still a work in progress!

If only we all had an easy way to escape to retreats and take long-term sabbaticals from our daily life (or some may say grind) but that is not the case for most of us. We have chores, jobs, children, relationships, projects, and businesses. We also want to have fun whether that means going out to a concert or bar or to a secluded camping spot in the mountains.

So where does your self-care fit in? And how can a meditation practice fit into this already packed in life?

This past year, in particular, I’ve spent a lot of time dedicated to practicing various types of meditations and breathing techniques. Sometimes I was looking to start my day off with some more energy, other times I reached for a breathing technique when I felt anxious and unable to deal with the overwhelming pressure in that moment. I had practices brimming with expectation, skepticism, doubt, distraction, and racing thoughts. To be honest— if I had actually tracked all of them, I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of my practices included one of the above.

Why? Because it’s natural, especially in our multi-screened, constantly overstimulated existence. Furthermore, the way meditation was sold to the Westerner was an experience that led to a specific “zen or calm” experience; enlightenment.

This type of narrow thinking leads me to the 1st reason why your meditation practice may not be working.

You Come in With Expectations of a Particular Outcome or Experience

Meditations have many variations including mantras, chants, visualizations, mudras, pranayamas, and instrument implementation. It’s common to hear newbie practitioners complain about being unable to attain a more restful state of mind. Instead, they experience a practice steeped in frustration because they aren’t achieving the outcome they expected.

Releasing the grip on your thoughts while meditating can be similarly applied to releasing the grip on the outcome of your practice.

What would it feel like if instead of seeing your practice as a means to an end, you focused more on savoring the sacred moment of still? Or the valuable efforts of practicing non-attachment to your thoughts or emotions?

I’m guilty when it comes to imposing expectations onto other people and myself. When we grow up in a society that reinforces the need for external fulfillment to all our inner problems, wanting and expecting the external to change to our needs is pre-existent in our minds.

But that doesn’t need to be so. Let the meditation practice just be a place to explore what can happen when you fully let go of control. 

When you can take some slow sips of fresh air and exhale out your mouth taking off the weight of the day. It can be an emotional outpour or a stoic stillness. Don’t limit the possibilities of your practice by enforcing unnecessary limitations onto your practice.

You Get Distracted by Your Thoughts Constantly and Then Punish Yourself

How many of you do this? If you’re a perfectionist, like me, then there is a large chance you have. Another misconception that has become associated with a “good” or “proper” meditation practice is the dissipation of thoughts. Completely.

Now I can’t speak for everyone, but from what I’ve personally experienced and heard from others is how easy it is to get bogged down by trying to remove all the thoughts flying through your mind. And while this isn’t an impossible feat, it truly isn’t the goal of meditation, if there was to be one.

Want to know a secret? Well— it’s not really a secret at this point, but still useful information. The thoughts don’t permanently disappear.

Your focus does.

Your awareness, when trained, can become an increasingly helpful tool for true self-inquiry and personal development.

The next time you are meditating and you’re flocked with thoughts, see it as an opportunity to fine-tune your skills of non-attachment and focus. Can you let go with intention AND compassion?

You Identify Too Strongly With Your Emotions and Thoughts

Our emotions, especially negative ones, can be addictive. Combining this with our innately logical and solution-focused minds, this creates a cycle where we begin to believe we ARE the emotion; or that the emotion is US.

Culturally, in the U.S., we rarely teach that emotions are separate from our personal identity. Emotions are ephemeral biochemical reactions we have in response to an external or internal stimulus such as a memory or a social event. Yet, when we are upset or angry at someone, for example, we instantly label them as their temporary feeling and consequent behavior.

When we meditate and feelings rise up internally that are triggering or unpleasant we can easily get attached and engulfed by the emotion. This causes us to get distracted and lost in the cycle of a negative thought (I’m dumb; I’m not good enough; I’ll never achieve my dreams), perpetuated by an unpleasant emotion (anger, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, guilt, fear), attempting to push the thought or emotion away, only to be further sucked in and so forth.

Approaching your practice with fewer expectations, more self-compassion and patience can do wonders. It is easy to give up on meditation under the guise that the practice is too hard or too complicated. But perhaps the real reason why many choose to brush off this simple practice is that we are afraid to change.

Because when you begin to change your meditation practice and your approach, you begin to change in your everyday life. So if you are still searching for a way to get exactly what you expect without the revealing instances and deep pools of uncertainty or unpleasantness, then good luck.

To all the rest, I suggest you apply these three methods to your practice and see the changes you’ve always wanted slowly and organically take form.