How Unlearning Old Habits Can Actually Help You Learn New Ones
We’ve all been there. Trying to start a new hobby or habit only to hit a point where we revert to our old habits out of comfort and subconscious ingrained patterns. Yet what if before we attempted learning something new, especially something that takes extra willpower and dedication like life-long habits, we took time to make room for it?
One habit that I have been working on lately has been my TV watching/bingeing episodes. After leaving a job that I had ended up resenting, exhausted and worn down, I threw myself on the couch and then migrated to my bed to watch some good old shows. I had missed out on so much!
Yet, after a few months (yes, I can down a lot of TV) of watching endless episodes of Game of Thrones and other random stuff, I began to notice how fried I still felt. The time that was supposed to be for rest was actually draining me even more. With so much more time on my hands (after moving halfway across the country with all my things, partner, and cat) I decided that I no longer wanted to be a slave to my electronic devices.
After talking it over, my boyfriend and I decided we wanted to go a week with only watching 4 hours of TV. Enough to fit in 2 movies but not enough to be considered a waste of time or reverting back to my old ways.
Unlearning Step 1: Become More Aware
At the end of the first week during this habit transformation process, I ended up watching a total of 6 hrs during the week, which I consider pretty awesome for someone who spends most of her day at home.
I noted that if I wasn’t conscious of my day or my plans, I could easily slip into watching something on the computer. Especially since its my main mode of work and communication.
It became obvious to me about 3 days in that in order for me to learn not to watch TV all day, I needed to be aware every time a free moment came up because I knew exactly where my initial inclination would lead me.
When you’re aware, you’re in control.
And when you’re in control, you can resist the urges that old habits drag in with them.
Unlearning Step 2: Addressing the Elephant in the Room
When my old urges crept up, I would ask myself 3 questions:
- How am I feeling right now?
- What is this bad habit trying to solve? (Boredom, loneliness, fear, anger, pain?)
- What can I replace this bad habit with for 5 minutes that would bring me one step forward towards my goals?
If you can make space for yourself to slow down, you can also create a place for newness to emerge.
Instead of just unconsciously jumping straight from job searching to watching half a season on Netflix, …I make space for myself to notice that I am feeling tired and mostly trying to soothe my exhaustion and disappointment by mindlessly staring at a screen.
I make room for new ideas to enter my mind. Dust off those creative neural circuits and explore activities I’ve put to rest for years.
Unlearning Step 3: Approach with Newborn Eyes
Newborns look at the world with a fresh set of eyes, untainted by any memories, experiences, and thoughts. This allows them to experience the world in the most open state of learning.
Having this perspective can allow us to let go of our self-judgements about our abilities to stick to a new habit. We can choose the opportunity to drop everything we’ve learned and experienced to proceed without any expectations.
I never thought that I would become a bookworm until I decided to unlearn my bad habit. This process opened me up to reintroducing myself to reading. I honestly hadn’t read a good book in years and mostly reread some of my favorites in my free time. It was perpetuated by the fact that we lived in a township without a public library…. And a library practically down the street that we couldn’t access because it was part of another township.
Let’s just say going to the local library here in Colorado was as exciting to me as a kid going into a candy store.
It’s been about 2 months since we started our habit transformation process and I have been reading about a book a week ever since. It’s still pretty crazy because only a few months ago I was the type of person who couldn’t finish a page without getting distracted by thoughts or outside noises. By choosing to let go of what no longer served me, I unlearned TV binge watching and relearned how to recreationally read for enjoyment. And, of course, through reading I also directly benefit by learning- new skills, writing styles, ideas for blog posts, vocabulary, and perspectives. I also have large blocks of time that I’d normally spend in front of a screen, now left open for reading, hiking, job search, or napping if I feel like it. It’s crazy how one bad habit can have such a huge influence on other aspects of our lives, and worse, how we can let these bad habits latch on to us for years without attempting to change.
As we grow and evolve through various stages of our lives, in order to expand our knowledge of the world, we must unlearn who we have been, to learn who we may become. It will not happen overnight, but through consistent efforts it can be a truly explorative, rewarding process. Start with choosing awareness and you will be one step closer towards reaching your goals.