Dealing With the Pressures of Others’ Expectations

As I sit and write this post listening to a Spotify channel titled “Happy Beats” I wonder how much more creativity and imagination could flow through me and, others like me,

IF we just stopped giving a damn about what others think and say.

If I were to say that I spent the majority of my youth and adult life living by the expectations of the outside world- family, school, peers, media, popular culture- how many of you could raise your hand in solidarity?

It seems like since the dawn of civilization and the hierarchy system, there have always been those who do the unbelievable and seemingly unattainable…

 and those who look upon them with feelings ranging from awe to jealously to curiosity, resentment, and wonder.

Parents play a large role in establishing these expectations for their children who grow up only to face a world with just as many demands, boxes, and checkmarks. Finding a place to blossom into your own unique version of self becomes bleak as practically every corner of your world is filled with fear, uncertainty, or familiarity.

I grew up in a world where perfection was an ever-higher rung on the ladder to a vague definition of “success”.

Growing up in an immigrant family has its own, unique set of cultural expectations that, in my case, further isolated me and sequestered all my focus to a sugar-coated dream.

The Worst Part About Living Under Someone Else’s Expectations

Spending 8 years going down a road that takes you to a place called rock bottom is probably the worst part of choosing to live up to some else’s expectations and desires. 

In my case, it happened to me shortly after graduating from high school. Life became a well-planned, strategized set of steps that went one. After. Another. It would look pretty much like a straight line if you were to draw it out. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but my intuition knew better. And it was working behind the scenes to make sure that I didn’t sign up for a lifelong commitment to someone else’s dream.

How do you know if you are living to please someone else’s expectations of you?

Do you feel frustrated, stuck, unfulfilled, lost, angry? Do you resent others who are making it out on their own?

Then you may just be living under someone else’s expectations. 

Ask yourself — If I were to get to the root of why I am afraid to live out my dreams, how many of those fears would stem from trying to please someone or something in the external world?

For me, expectations were and still are the creation crushers and inspiration stompers. They seed doubt in my mind and resurrect old memories of “failures” from the past creating an overwhelming sensation of never enoughness.

When we give our decision-making power away to others, when we allow others to define who we are by creating a persona built off of unrealistic expectations, we suffer. And we take one step further away from figuring out our own authenticity.

Your Fears Must Be Faced

Most people who end up choosing to live up to the expectations of others do so because they are deeply afraid to face their fears. Their fears of what would happen if…I failed…I disappointed…etc.

And since the mind is extremely good at manipulation through thought and emotion, our fears become so visceral to us, that staying the hell that we know of becomes easier than jumping into the unknown.

Saying no to the expectations of the world around you involves you choosing to move towards a way of life that is unfamiliar to you. A life that you haven’t been able to make room for before now because you were so busy fulfilling others’ expectations and desires of you.

To overcome expectations you must be willing to face your fears with courage and faith in yourself. Letting others down by choosing to create boundaries for yourself may be hard, but is worth the payoff when it means getting to live a life created by you.

Boundaries Must Be Drawn

When you live your whole life trying to please others — while doing a good job at it too — don’t be surprised to find that once you choose to draw boundaries in your life that certain people will become resistant and defensive. This normally happens with the closest people in our lives, outside of the work environment, because they tend to see themselves as the greatest priority in your life.

And in case you forgot — you are your greatest priority. 

Don’t let anyone else ever let you think otherwise. The world is filled with people who will easily slide themselves into your life and gladly begin to tell you who you should be.

Remember, that boundaries are drawn to protect your own time and energy not to keep others out. It is an act of self-love rather than an act of attack.

Consistent Compassion Is a Must

Trying to face your fears by saying no to others’ expectations of you is not an easy task. People don’t like change and when things go against their well-thought-out plans. And acceptance doesn’t happen overnight with everyone. Some people may never be able to accept you for who you are outside of their expectations of you. So establishing a good relationship with yourself as you venture towards a more joyful and authentic life is essential.

Incorporating consistent compassion towards yourself will ultimately balance you on every level. Physical, spiritual, and psychological. While some people may innately have more courage than others, I do personally believe that courage is created. Courage is built upon experience that ultimately teaches us how fear is nothing but an illusion. 

Out of the countless times my own mind has tried to convince me that my fear was real, reality always ended up proving me wrong. 

Instead of spending our lives using all our energy to make others happy, to take care of others, to look a certain way, why not just try to put energy into self-growth? 

We can redefine what our lives look like. But only if we are willing to redefine our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Consistency is key but, so is being compassionate to yourself throughout the inevitable bumps you will encounter along your journey.